Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
