Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
