i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
