Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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