when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
