hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
