How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
