i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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