So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
