So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
