I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
