May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
