you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize