I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
