what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
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