If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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