You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
