God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
