After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We got so high we made milksteak
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
