We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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