I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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