You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
