I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
