remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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