He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
