I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
