i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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