You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
