so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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