u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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