My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
