11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
