Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
