I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
