Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you had me at cake vodka
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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