Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize