it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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