yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize