her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think i scared a bird with my dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Houston, we have a squirter
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize