I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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