This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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