Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
