ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
