walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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