So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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