I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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