You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
