if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
