singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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