Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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