You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
