We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize