Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
