We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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