Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
