Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
