stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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