There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
