he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
