I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
