dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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