I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
