Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
