She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
